Feel, felt

Do you know how I feel? Do you know that when the feeling comes its difficult to shake it off? Do you know that its something I can't ignore?

It builds up like a plague.. it robs away happiness and leave behind a state of chaos.. My mind will be filled with questions.. regrets.. past mistakes... disappointments.. and I can't shake it away. Every time it happens I'll just wish it goes away soon.. hope it doesn't visit me again.. hope that it'd be the last..

Do you know how I feel.. the build up that made me afraid.. everything bad that happened will come flooding back.. Just like a flood gate.. an endless stream of fear, regret and worry..

Do you know how badly I want to shut myself away.. Do you know why I felt this way.............

Dream dreamer

As I lay here thinking about the inevitable slumber, I secretly wish that I'd not wake the next day. Almost all the time, dreams are so much better than reality. I can be me in my dream and not be affected by my constant anxiety. Constant fear about what I also don't know. My life maybe... 

Sometimes I wish to be a child again.. free from society's pressure, expectations and responsibilities...

The Begining

This is a story about me. A dreamer, believer, wanderer and most of all a child.

I've made many mistakes in my life, most of them irreversible, most of them regretful. Been there, done that, felt that. Cried buckets of tears. Can anyone understand the pain I feel. Genuinely ask and find out why I am so anxious all the time. Why I do the things I do. Help me? Stay with me? Comfort me?

No matter what I do I feel that I am drowning. Struggling to take a breath of air, clinging to anyone that comes by. But eventually I get thrown back in with more weight hanging off me. No one understands. Don't help me because you pity me. Help me because you want to be there. I can't take more disappointments in my life. I can't take them no more. I've lost a lot and it'll take time to build it up.

Stay with me if you have the patience. Stay with me if you are willing to wait. Stay with me if you are willing to look over my flaws. Stay with me if you are willing to ride the storm. I promise I'll get better.

Stay with me if only you have faith in both of us. Just love me.